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Since you get regular trips to the barber, do you make sure your budget can cover both time and money for her to also make weekly trips to the hairdresser? The husband is genuine and concerned and is looking for an answer and you get angry with him? The one thing you should have told him, but didn't, is that he should make sure his wife gets enough sleep (lack of sleep leads to overweight), time to exercise and treat her to massages.

He should also take turns cooking with an emphasis on healthy meals.

Dear Emuna, My wife has gained weight and I no longer find her attractive. First of all, I hope that you and any other men that feel that way are wise enough not to tell your wives!

– Worried about Weight Dear Worried, My initial reaction is anger – which I’m sure is the response of most women, except the really skinny ones who can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound. I've calmed myself down (those Lamaze techniques have multiple uses) and I will try to answer the question rationally.

You'd think they'd be the one thing I want for them: happy. Everything, and I mean everything, is an argument and a debate. I still dress them all and even carry the ten year old to his bed when he asks (almost every night) and sometimes I have to carry him out of bed to the couch to watch television in the morning so he can wake up on time for school-otherwise he wouldn't get out of bed. When she isn''t writing for the Internet or taking care of her family, Emuna teaches classes on Judaism, organizes gourmet kosher cooking groups and hosts many Shabbos guests. The sages in the Talmud noted that a basis for divorce is "Ma'is Alai" -- that the other spouse has become *physically* "repulsive".

Given that, I think it important to point out:(1) It is likely that at this point, the wife will need to work with a professional of some sort (e.g., a nutritionist, psychologist who specializes in eating issues, etc.).(2) It will require REAL effort to do this.

I am *assuming* that the wife's weight gain is NOT due to a specific disease or abnormal condition -- but simply that she has "let herself go".

Also, there is no indication that the husband has similarly "deteriorated".

If He is willing to bend the truth (as he did with Abraham and Sarah) or have His name blotted out (as in the case of adultery) for the sake of peace in the home, then surely if you sincerely want it and pray for it, He will come to your assistance. – Emuna Dear Emuna, I am a 42 year old Jewish woman with three children – 4, 7, and 10, and a husband of 12 years. But a sense of obligation, an ability to accept responsibilities and comply with rules must be inculcated in each and every one of us. You can begin to tell your children, “Because I love you I will not carry you to bed but cheer you on as you walk there yourself.” “Because I love you I will not get you food when you yell for it but teach you when and where you can get if for yourself (not to mention communicating with your mother in an appropriate manner and tone! “Because I love you we will turn off the TV during meal times and sit around the table getting to know each other.” It will be awkward at first but you will get there if you persevere and don’t revert to the old, unsuccessful patterns.

I grew up in a home in which I had to do a lot of the housework and where I got yelled at a lot and hit a lot, too. What do I do to make them understand how lucky they are and how much they should appreciate me and know I love them? – Whole Lotta Love Dear Doormat Mom, I’m very sorry but this case requires some tough talking, starting with you. It is just not necessary to accomplish this through hitting and yelling. You don’t mention where your husband fits into this scenario. Hopefully he will be at least as supportive of your new more effective and healthier system. But you will get what you want – your kids will ultimately thank you.